Making a Good First Impression

via Daily Prompt: Impression

One would think that if you are trying to contact new people you would want to make a good first impression.  Admittedly this isn’t always easy.  I tried messaging one guy something about food because he mentioned it on is profile only for him to comment that I asked a strange question.  Fortunately he did because we are getting on really well.  He’s funny, he makes me smile and I like chatting with him and we are making plans to meet.

Of course with online dating there are many who don’t seem to understand this.  They seem to think it is fine to start with a term of endearment such as “Hello sugars”. Maybe it’s just me but I am not a huge fan of such terms, I think they should mean something before you start using them.  I don’t like being called “sweety”, “babe” or baby.  Not to mention “bby” at least make an effort to write properly.  Other introductions include “hello perfumed flower” and “so kissable” based on one profile picture.

Even once you have said hello you still need to convince me to keep talking.  Starting with a request for more photos doesn’t work, especially if you then tell me you are drunk and horney. But this weekend’s classic is a series of incomprehensible letters (I guess meant as abbreviations from Afrikaans).  I made the mistake of saying “huh” so he replied with a dick pic.  He even asked if I liked the pic.  I said no then decided to ignore the series of letters that followed.  I think they included a demand that I answer him.

Dick pic count: 11

If you want something very specific it makes sense to clarify this early on.  In the last few days there have been some guys claiming to want a relationship but after a quick chat start trying to talk dirty.  One was even pestering me for WhatsApp details so that we could video call and masturbate together.  Clearly time getting to know these guys was wasted.  Conversly a while back I received a request from someone wanting to be my “submissive”.  I’m not into this sort of thing so I simply ignored the message and saved us both some time. Having said that it will be difficult to beat today’s opening message.  He introduced himself as the “master” wanting me to be his “pet”.  There was a long message about what he was proposing including what he thought I would get out of it.  Think “Fifty shades of Grey”.  I’ll probably ignore that one, lol.

So if you want me to talk to you then you need to make the right impression, take time to think about something that will interest me or get my attention.  Alternatively be honest upfront what you want and save us both some time.

Adrift in a Sea of Men

via Daily Prompt: Adrift

With online dating I sometimes feel adrift in a sea of men.  A bit lost and confused; what am I doing here and what do I want?.  It is clear that there is one thing all of the guys want.  Some focus on trying to arrange to meet, some are more interested in getting my Whatsapp details while there is the odd one that simply sends me a dick pic.  Then of course there is huge variation in the way they ask ranging from very crude requests to one man who was very polite but honest about what he wanted.  Actually I quite liked the honesty, it was refreshing and in many respects quite respectful.  Better that than a request to meet for a drink, oh and sex but of course you’ll agree when you meet me.  There is one that has a picture of Nutella flavoured condoms as one of his profile pictures.  Never mind the number of guys that admit to being in a relationship and having kids as part of the profile information.

Still I shouldn’t complain, I chose to join this online dating world, after a break-up, when all the experts say you should be in a happy healthy place.  I could have found a safe place on the shore, to hide, instead of heading out to sea when my anchor broke, suddenly.  This weekend recovering from the removal of my wisdom teeth I was reminded of the little things you appreciate about having someone special.  I would have sent Guy 0 a picture of my crazy soup and mince meal (just realised I could have shared a pic here) and he would probably have shared my excitement about moving onto porridge for breakfast.  He was very sympathetic when my sister and her family were driving me crazy with building work, he even kept a better track of the start date.  With Guy 0 half a world away I learned to say how I was feeling which I’m sure in any relationship is better.

So for now I find myself adrift, trying to replace something I lost.  Still I guess in many ways it was a fantasy, because when it came to something important he could not keep his promises or treat me with respect.  Right now that means a crazy ride trying to figure out how to navigate this sea of men till I reach a time when I am more confident to focus on what I want and I can find myself a better anchor.

Badoo: A users perspective

I started this post thinking it would be a review of Badoo (https://badoo.com) which is the app I’m currently using.  But there are other websites out there that have done that already (http://www.askmen.com/dating/online-dating-sites/mainstream/badoo-review.html, https://www.sitejabber.com/reviews/www.badoo.com).  Then I realised I should be writing about how this app forms part of my story at the moment and this should be a users perspective.

I chose Badoo because it had a good rating on the Google Play store and it is the first dating app I have used.  If you are interested in some more interesting options try this review (http://stacykaryn.com/2017/02/23/7-game-changing-dating-apps-you-should-definitely-know-about/).  Badoo was a perfect starting point because I did not have to do much setting up I just entered a few details and uploaded a reasonably decent photo from my phone.  The app is free to download but there are lots of in app purchases.

It was not long before I had loads of guys wanting to chat.  I was still in a bad place so having guys contact me to chat was fantastic and gave me hope I could find someone else.  But of course being in a bad place probably meant I attracted and encouraged more of the crazies.  I had the choice of a list option or a swipe function to browse guys near me.  The downside of the the swipe function is that if you use it to like someone there is no way of contacting them unless they like you back and to be able to do this you need to buy “superpowers”.  So these days I just use the list option.  One downside of the list option is that the app is constantly trying to get you to buy options which mean you appear higher on the list.  Badoo gives you a few free days of “superpowers” when you download the app and for some reason they have just given me another few days.

The app tracks your location and uses this to find guys in the area.  It even lets you know if you have “bumped” into another user.  Initially this amused me because when I travelled to visit some friends then I was provided with a fresh list of candidates to consider and even when I went out for the day there was someone contacting me from the area we visited.  However as I started to feel better and started to think more about the future and returning home this option started to irritate me.  I ended up telling a lot of people that we could only be friends because I do not live in the area and even now I get the occasional contact from one of the places I visited.  What I wanted was the option to specify my location as my home so that I could start working towards a sensible relationship.

 

I am still making my mind up about the popularity icon in the top left corner in the shape of a battery.  The more popular you are the more you rise in the lists and the the more likely you are to appear in the swipe option which means the more likely it is you will be contacted.  Alternatively there are various in app purchases which you can use to improve your changes of being seen but I have not used any of these so I’m not sure exactly how well they work.  I am still figuring out this online dating thing so for now I plan to use the free options.

 

I can see why this app is regarded as more suitable for people looking to hook up.  It is easy to get started and you don’t need much information in your profile.  Further it is very easy to identify people who are in your general area.  For me personally I enjoy using the chat function and I have identified a few promising candidates.  This app suits my needs because I am mostly interested in getting started with a few dates.  Perhaps if I reach a point where I am more serious about finding someone then I will need to consider alternative options.

 

Today was a good day

Well I wasn’t planning to post anything today because I have my sports class but in the end a few good things happened that I just had to share.  I started blogging as a means to deal with heartache but also because I was restless with my life and looking for something new.

Finally when I start one blog it seems I have loads of ideas for more.  The second being to blog about my sports class.  This will help with my development while at the same time generating publicity for our club.  The instructor thought it was a great idea but even better he has recently finished studying and has time for a new project.  We bounced some ideas about and he is going to see about setting up the meeting to make it happen.

On the dating front it seems that amongst all of the crazies I might have found one or two promising options.  The crazies are still providing some good stories and I will share more soon.  A few words one really should not get mixed up on a dating app: ‘sweaty’ in place of ‘sweety’ (plus I’m not a sweety kind of girl), ‘massage’ in place of ‘message’ and ‘cum’ in place of ‘come’.

Oh and I have another year of funding for work.  So today I would definitely say things are looking good.

 

Learning how to say no

 

An important part of online dating is about being able to say no.  Some of the guys are really persistent and don’t seem to understand that just because they want to meet up, I might not want to.  For example one of the guys I traded messages with in the early days.  At some point I explained that I was on holiday and there would be no time to meet.  He still made about 5 different suggestions for meeting up and would send a series of messages, if I was slow to reply.  Another guy wanted to know which Cafe Nero I was having lunch in so that he could meet me.  There are a lot of Cafe Nero’s in London.

One of the more amusing scenarios is when I explain to someone that I am meeting other friends and they try to join.  When I told someone I could not meet for coffee because i was meeting a friend for dinner he suggested that we could both meet him for coffee.  Then he started to try and get my friend’s contact details and other information about my friend.  He even offered her a massage.  Someone else tried to join in a city break that a group of us had planned, thinking he might get a chance at a threesome.  There was a group of us going so I could not resist asking if my friends husband was included.

It seems that the best approach is to ignore unwanted invites even though that seems very rude to me.

 

 

 

 

 

Trying to let go of a Fantasy

As I explained in my first post I started online dating and blogging as a means to move on from a failed relationship.  I met Guy 0 though online gaming about a year ago.  I had been single for a long time but about the time he contacted me privately I was starting to really feel like I was ready for a more “grown-up” relationship.

I really enjoyed getting to know Guy 0 and the relationship that began to develop.  I wanted to know if this relationship really could go somewhere and for that we needed to meet in person.  I had many other reason for visiting the UK and thus started planning my holiday.  Guy 0 was very enthusiastic about the trip even offering to pay for half the flight ticket.  So you can imagine my horror, dismay and confusion when 2 days before I was due to leave he informed me he had met someone else and pretty much went silent.  He had been strangely distant for a week or so.

Fortunately I have amazing friends and family and it was easy, if traumatic, to make alternative last minute plans.  With hindsight I guess it was naive to think that such a fantasy would work out in real life and perhaps this is one of the better ways things could have ended.  To cope I downloaded an online dating app and was soon entertaining my friends with crazy stories.  I may have encouraged some of it.  The entire holiday has been crazy.  There have been some really fun times, the trauma of a break up and and the craziness of figuring out online dating and blogging.  But through it all I have clung onto some hope that something would happen to lead me to get back together with Guy 0. Crazy and stupid when you think about how badly he treated me.

So it is not surprising that my holiday is ending with some more drama.  The last few days were always going to be the most difficult because they have brought me geographically closer to Guy 0 and marks the end of opportunities for to actually meet him.  I spent the last day feeling nauseous and struggling make the final plans to get my flight home.  Thus after a series of errors, bad planning and problems with public transport I missed my flight.  Once faced with this reality, I realised I really did want to get home and move on with my life, so maybe, just maybe, some good will come from this final holiday disaster.

Given the nature of this blog I want to keep things anonymous which means that I won’t use names and I will try to limit other identifying details.