With online dating I sometimes feel adrift in a sea of men. A bit lost and confused; what am I doing here and what do I want?. It is clear that there is one thing all of the guys want. Some focus on trying to arrange to meet, some are more interested in getting my Whatsapp details while there is the odd one that simply sends me a dick pic. Then of course there is huge variation in the way they ask ranging from very crude requests to one man who was very polite but honest about what he wanted. Actually I quite liked the honesty, it was refreshing and in many respects quite respectful. Better that than a request to meet for a drink, oh and sex but of course you’ll agree when you meet me. There is one that has a picture of Nutella flavoured condoms as one of his profile pictures. Never mind the number of guys that admit to being in a relationship and having kids as part of the profile information.
Still I shouldn’t complain, I chose to join this online dating world, after a break-up, when all the experts say you should be in a happy healthy place. I could have found a safe place on the shore, to hide, instead of heading out to sea when my anchor broke, suddenly. This weekend recovering from the removal of my wisdom teeth I was reminded of the little things you appreciate about having someone special. I would have sent Guy 0 a picture of my crazy soup and mince meal (just realised I could have shared a pic here) and he would probably have shared my excitement about moving onto porridge for breakfast. He was very sympathetic when my sister and her family were driving me crazy with building work, he even kept a better track of the start date. With Guy 0 half a world away I learned to say how I was feeling which I’m sure in any relationship is better.
So for now I find myself adrift, trying to replace something I lost. Still I guess in many ways it was a fantasy, because when it came to something important he could not keep his promises or treat me with respect. Right now that means a crazy ride trying to figure out how to navigate this sea of men till I reach a time when I am more confident to focus on what I want and I can find myself a better anchor.