A time for healing

Import-export guy has been in China for business for the last week so I have not heard from him for a while.  He has not even read my “Safe Trip” message.  Ironically this has been good for me.  I needed time to relax and reflect on recent events.

But first a story which might provide some insights.  This is about a boy I dated many years ago while still in high school. It might seem strange I mention someone from that far back but I met him through my sister and he is still a friend of the family.  Mostly I agreed to go out with him because he asked me.  He is a nice guy and I had enjoyed some of the conversations we had, so it seemed like a good idea.  I remember one time we kissed and he thought it was amazing, I let him continue out of curiosity but frankly, I was bored.  Then I spent a few days away from home learning more about career opportunities in engineering and decided that I would prefer being free and single, so I ended it.  It is only now that I see how his life has developed and the woman he married that I understand why I felt suffocated.  She is a qualified nursery nurse while I have a PhD in Engineering.  She was terribly proud to have a husband to support her so she did not have to work while I have been called stubbornly independent.  She shares those very proud mum and wife posts on facebook that have me reaching for a bucket.  The idea of living such a conventional life fills me with horror.

I’m not sure exactly how or why but during this week I have been reminded of that person who can enjoy life without a man.  After the break-up I was on a mission to replace Guy 0, which has mostly involved random chats, mostly with questionable men and which inspired this blog.  Import-export guy came into my life shortly after I returned to South Africa.  At a time when I was trying to get back into work and worrying about the removal of my wisdom teeth he brightened each day.  I wrote the “Open Letter” post shortly after his messages slowed.  This post really did help me to express my anger and move on.  Then this week I accepted there would be no messages, focused on work without Import-export guy to brighten each day and finally finished something I’ve been working on for a year.  In doing so I rediscovered confident, happy me who does not need a man (although it will be nice to have one).

 

 

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