Import-export guy has been in China for business for the last week so I have not heard from him for a while. He has not even read my “Safe Trip” message. Ironically this has been good for me. I needed time to relax and reflect on recent events.
But first a story which might provide some insights. This is about a boy I dated many years ago while still in high school. It might seem strange I mention someone from that far back but I met him through my sister and he is still a friend of the family. Mostly I agreed to go out with him because he asked me. He is a nice guy and I had enjoyed some of the conversations we had, so it seemed like a good idea. I remember one time we kissed and he thought it was amazing, I let him continue out of curiosity but frankly, I was bored. Then I spent a few days away from home learning more about career opportunities in engineering and decided that I would prefer being free and single, so I ended it. It is only now that I see how his life has developed and the woman he married that I understand why I felt suffocated. She is a qualified nursery nurse while I have a PhD in Engineering. She was terribly proud to have a husband to support her so she did not have to work while I have been called stubbornly independent. She shares those very proud mum and wife posts on facebook that have me reaching for a bucket. The idea of living such a conventional life fills me with horror.
I’m not sure exactly how or why but during this week I have been reminded of that person who can enjoy life without a man. After the break-up I was on a mission to replace Guy 0, which has mostly involved random chats, mostly with questionable men and which inspired this blog. Import-export guy came into my life shortly after I returned to South Africa. At a time when I was trying to get back into work and worrying about the removal of my wisdom teeth he brightened each day. I wrote the “Open Letter” post shortly after his messages slowed. This post really did help me to express my anger and move on. Then this week I accepted there would be no messages, focused on work without Import-export guy to brighten each day and finally finished something I’ve been working on for a year. In doing so I rediscovered confident, happy me who does not need a man (although it will be nice to have one).