It is a week since Import-export guy returned from China and right now I am seriously considering dumping him and resuming the search. The idea fills me with immense sadness but I need to be realistic about how this is going. In my last post I wrote about how good I was starting to feel. And now a week later I am back to the nervous, irritable person who keeps checking her phone for messages. Nothing yesterday and starting to look like there will be nothing again today. When I start thinking ‘dammit only a message from my sister’ I seriously need to consider where my head is.
The other challenge right now is that we met online and have so far managed only one date. This means I cannot help thinking that he might be lying to me or playing some other questionable manipulative game. Last week he simply announced that he was back, then happily resumed messaging including asking if I had missed him. I realised afterwards that I was surprisingly relieved, probably because I had been trying hard to convince myself he was just busy. Most of the time I would say I believe him but for some reason today I’m struggling with that.
Assuming he is being honest with me then this relationship has a lot of potential (lol, no irony or contradiction intended). Ironically at the start it was me thinking in a more short term way. I enjoyed chatting to him and that was enough (One reason his silence is so difficult for me). He was the one that got me thinking about the long term and wanting more. Then on Monday he was talking about needing a holiday and that we should have a weekend away (right now I’d settle for a dinner date). He also said something else that I think is really nice. Taken out of context it sounds a little creepy though. We were trading a few naughty messages and unprompted he added that he wanted all of me, personality and mind too.
I think the real issue right now is communication. The whole time he was in China I was concerned that he might not have found time to let me know he was going. The reason for this is that after nearly 2 days of silence I sent him a kissy emoji (I did consider a sad face). He replied fairly quickly to say he was really busy and there was a last minute trip to China the following day. Of course I spent the whole week thinking: ‘What if I hadn’t sent the emoji’, ‘What if I had decided to wait another day’. So when the conversation allowed I mentioned this concern. Response: “But I told you I was going”. I guess you can’t fault male logic.
I can’t help smiling at the idea of sending him a message saying: ‘no messages for two days, not good enough, it’s over’. Seriously though dumping someone when they are clearly very busy because they can’t find much time for me seems a bit extreme and shitty. Especially as I’m sure he does not know how I’m feeling right now. Realistically I need him to know that I need him to check in at least once per day. I know he is busy and work is important. All I’m asking for is a single message or an emoticon. I have always valued his short, I’m busy, messages much more than days of complements and flirting. Now to do something about letting him know in a confident and assertive way.