And then he made me cry

I’m sure he didn’t mean to.  It was a thoughtless, stupid comment.  I have mentioned other insecurities about my life and his comment went right to the heart of that.  Maybe I should have said something but it took a while for me to fully realise how much it hurt.  I cried all the way home.  I even turned away my sister’s youngest because I could not cope with having her or put on a brave face.  I have done too much of that lately.

We were talking about our plans for the weekend.  His is busy and mine is quiet.  He suggested that rather than his being too busy that it was me that needed to get a life.

This is something that has been troubling me for a while and is one reason I get grumpy when my sister asks me to babysit.  I hid behind online gaming for ages, then the relationship with Guy 0.  I had hoped to find more time to focus on my sport this year but it is starting to look like the club is dying a death.  I’m thinking of moving closer to work but that too brings some financial challenges and may not be enough.  I thought perhaps online dating would help because it would provide an opportunity to get out and meet new people.

I can’t let this comment go.  The thoughtless nature makes me wonder if he can ever really understand how tough the last few weeks have been.  Perhaps I have been too quick to accept that he is just busy, while trying to hard to be supportive and understanding.  There is something selfish about sending loads of messages when you are bored and have, time then stopping completely because you are busy.  In fact the stop-start nature could well be a calculated and manipulative stunt.

I was thinking that when things have calmed down for him we would be able to discuss how the unpredictable nature of his messaging affects me so that we can find a better way.  But this throwaway comments suggests that my friendly attempts to let him know that his lack of messaging bothers me are not working.  Is he really stupid enough to think that his current pattern of messaging is OK?

I don’t think I can ignore this comment and wait patiently for the off-chance his work will get quieter.  I just need to figure out how to approach this issue.  I’m still hoping he is the man I think he is, in which case I want this to work.  I guess that is another reason his comment hurts so much.  Will need try and get him to understand how I’m feeling in an open an honest way.  But I think that right now I will have a few drinks, some food, overindulge in something a bit naughty and then hopefully tomorrow I can figure out how to approach this.