We traded a few messages around lunch time which I started. Then in the evening he messaged to say sorry his day had been really crazy and asked about mine. Then he asked about Mom’s operation (which is tomorrow) and wished me luck. She needs it more than me but the intention is good. He’s promised to chat tomorrow.
Such a kind and thoughtful gesture. If only we had managed a date or two recently I’m sure I would be happy with how things are going.
Now my mother has sustained a drinking injury. The people at the emergency room did laugh at her willingness to admit that she fell off the wine tram. Later my sister tried explaining to Mom that she did not have to finish off every single glass of wine, especially ones she did not like. That is why a spittoon is provided.
For the most part it was a pretty good day and formed part of my birthday celebrations. We went as a small group of ladies on the wine tram. It is actually a hop-on hop off tour that is actually a combination of bus and tram. There are is a choice of routes which take you round some of the local wine farms. We bought some good wines and had a nice lunch. We even stopped for a round of wine and chocolate pairing. The guide was a good laugh and our fellow passengers provided plenty of entertainment as the day progressed and more wine was consumed. I don’t think my sister knew how to cope when the loudest guy started hitting her because she has been with the same guy since she was 15. This gave me and Mom a good laugh.
So it was rather unfortunate when, at the last stop, Mom missed her footing getting off the tram and fell. Consequently we spent half a day at the hospital to try. Being a Sunday the specialist was not on duty and she had to return two days later for a follow up appointment. It turns out that she has torn the ligaments and is booked in for surgery.
This of course means that Mom is less mobile and my sister and I are helping her. My sister did suggest her eldest kid could help Mom out for extra pocket money but so far that does not seem to have happened. It also means that if Import-export guy does get himself organised enough to invite me out in the next few weeks I will have some challenges sorting the logistics so that I can go. Lol.
The last two weeks have been very busy. First I was away for work and then last week was a combination of social activities and a few days where I did not feel very well. So I have not had time or energy to post any updates.
In my last post I mentioned that Import-export guy was trying to arrange to join me for my week away. Sadly this did not happen. He was trying to arrange a meeting with a client who was out of town that week. So we rescheduled for the following week, the day before my birthday. His idea was that we could be together as my birthday started. Unfortunately he could not find anyone to babysit. In some ways this worked out well because I was not feeling well that day. In both cases he seemed to be trying up to the last minute to try and make a plan and I had to ask what was happening.
The current situation is so frustrating. He is doing so many of the right things. When I was out of town: checking my flight arrived safely, checking on how I was doing before my talk, then a quick phone call shortly before my return flight left. I made a point of letting him know I got home safely. On the day of my birthday he called in the morning so that he would be one of the first to wish me “Happy Birthday”. But at the same time it feels like he did the minimum to keep me happy and interested. Although he tried to arrange something, he did not succeed, and there are no new plans to meet. I need to see him in person to feel like this is a proper relationship. Right now I don’t think of him as a boyfriend, but rather a guy who might become someone special.
In an earlier post (Trying to be patient) I asked if he has time in his life for me. I am still pondering this question. Or if he has been lying to me all this time. Having said that it seems that September and October are quiet months for him. Already there are signs the workload is easing because the messages have become more frequent. I have waited this long, surely a month or two won’t make much difference.
I’m sure if I was on the outside listening to this relationship I would be the person saying end it. If he can’t find time to meet you then surely things are doomed. I have to admit that the busy work time for Import-Export guy came at a very difficult time in our relationship, for me at least. Too soon for me to be confident that waiting is definitely justified. Too soon for arranging to meet, to be a relaxed easy thing. But yet things have matured too far for me to feel it it would be OK to arrange dates with anyone else. So I find myself in a kind of dating limbo. Waiting for him but unsure if it will be worth it.
So why am I willing to wait? To drive myself crazy over a man? Normally I would be the first to say don’t get wound up over a guy. I was single for a long time because I did not feel the need for one in my life. And yet here I am, obsessed with this guy. I want to spend more time with him and get to know him better. What he thinks of me matters. He stood out right from our first chat.
It makes no sense to me. My logical, engineering brain cannot process the idea that I feel such a strong connection to someone I have spent so little time with. Right from the start our conversation flowed naturally and easily. It was not long before I had a big smile on my face and wanted more. It is not that he ticked more boxed or better fitted the criteria. It is more a case of what boxes, what criteria? He’s interesting, he’s funny and he makes me smile.
There is of course the question that if he feels the same, why hasn’t he found the time for a second date? And yet, he was the one who mentioned something longer term when I was still thinking in terms of crazy rebound fling. He did somewhat hopefully suggest the possibility of a date a while back, 3 days later he was in China. He told me he needed a holiday and we joked about bunking off work. When you are on the outside of a relationship you never hear about the little things. Those tiny details that sometimes matter the most. Like when I tease him because he does exactly what his kids want. Or him telling be not to text and drive because I replied ‘Driving’ to one of his messages. Or him making a point of telling me to drive safely because the weather was bad. Or the almost presumptuous way he said ‘we can do that’ when I expressed interest in something friends were doing.
It seems like a crazy place to be. I find myself drawn to this guy and I can’t really say why. I am willing to believe what he says and trust that he is worth it.
So over the course of the week I have gone from being excited because Import-export guy says he finally has time to meet, to I’m gonna have to dump him and then back to yay he is making plans to meet.
Since we talked he is definitely making more of an effort. Sometimes there may only be a brief exchange of messages but there have been very few occasions where I needed to start the conversation. Then finally last Friday he says he has two free evenings, he wants to meet up. Doh, it’s the week I’m out of town on business. Instead he suggested he may be able to join me, he has an office there. Then for the rest of the week nothing on the topic.
On Wednesday I had trouble sleeping. I could not switch off and I started to worry because I had not heard anything from him about the meeting in Durban, I also convinced myself there would be no birthday celebration. Nothing, I’m sure to do with a late coffee after a not so enjoyable evening. Thursday night I managed to get an early night but woke early. This time convinced that Durban was not going to happen and that he was definitely going to forget my birthday. There I was at 5 am unable to sleep and writing you forgot my birthday, you’re dumped messages in my head. Then at 7:30 he messaged me. He was going away for the weekend and we chatted while he got ready to leave.
During this conversation he mentioned that he had been working on the Durban plan and would find out on Monday if it was possible. It seems I should have a little more faith in him. I guess if you can be a on a plane to China with less that 2 days notice you don’t need to recheck details for a local trip. Plus it was a similar story with trying to arrange the first date where he checked early in the week if his ex-wife could babysit but as she was busy he did not mention this to me.
Perhaps being let down earlier this year is affecting me more than I care to admit. I need to remember that Import-export guy is different. He may not feel the need to provide me with regular progress reports, he just gets on and does what he says he will.
This is the story of one of the guys I started chatting to while in London. He could be really sweet at times but there were other occasions where he was needy and creepy. He is from India so I think some of his weird questions and comments were down to cultural differences.
Take for instance the start to our conversation. He said “hi”, I ignored him because I was busy. Then later when I checked again for messages he had written “Ding dong is anyone home”. So I told him I hadn’t replied because I was busy. He apologised and we had a quick chat till the show I was about to watch started. Later he invited me to join him for coffee but I said I could not because I was meeting a friend for food. He said she could come too. For some strange reason he seemed to think we both came from Ireland. He then started taking, I think, too much interest in my friend. What is her name? What is her profession? Is she also using Badoo? How do I contact her? Seriously, you think I’m going to give a strange man a female friend’s contact details?
Each time he asked me something stupid or annoying then I ignored him and a while later he would respond with a more sensible question or comment. Mostly he was friendly and wanted me to know I had another friend in London. He seemed to think it was his responsibility to make me feel welcome and kept saying how I was welcome to visit. But then when I was at Heathrow he started asking for my number so that he could call and hear my voice. I don’t like talking on the phone at the best of time so a weird man while at the airport and a bit stressed was never going to happen.
Then after I got home he wanted to know when I would return to the UK. I explained that it was a long way and expensive so it would be a while before I returned. His response what that if my friend asked he was sure I would come. Like he knows anything about our friendship. Then more questions. What work does she do? Is she also South African? How do you know her? Is she living with family in London. Again, you think I’m going to discuss a female friend’s living arrangements with a strange man?
Eventually I decided that I’d had enough of a man who will flirt with me and then ask if my friend is seeing someone. So I just ignored his most recent messages.