Such a crazy place to be

I’m sure if I was on the outside listening to this relationship I would be the person saying end it.  If he can’t find time to meet you then surely things are doomed.  I have to admit that the busy work time for Import-Export guy came at a very difficult time in our relationship, for me at least.  Too soon for me to be confident that waiting is definitely justified.  Too soon for arranging to meet, to be a relaxed easy thing.  But yet things have matured too far for me to feel it it would be OK to arrange dates with anyone else.  So I find myself in a kind of dating limbo.  Waiting for him but unsure if it will be worth it.

So why am I willing to wait?  To drive myself crazy over a man?  Normally I would be the first to say don’t get wound up over a guy.  I was single for a long time because I did not feel the need for one in my life.  And yet here I am, obsessed with this guy.  I want to spend more time with him and get to know him better.  What he thinks of me matters.  He stood out right from our first chat.

It makes no sense to me.  My logical, engineering brain cannot process the idea that I feel such a strong connection to someone I have spent so little time with.  Right from the start our conversation flowed naturally and easily.  It was not long before I had a big smile on my face and wanted more.  It is not that he ticked more boxed or better fitted the criteria.  It is more a case of what boxes, what criteria?  He’s interesting, he’s funny and he makes me smile.

There is of course the question that if he feels the same, why hasn’t he found the time for a second date?  And yet, he was the one who mentioned something longer term when I was still thinking in terms of crazy rebound fling.  He did somewhat hopefully suggest the possibility of a date a while back, 3 days later he was in China.  He told me he needed a holiday and we joked about bunking off work.  When you are on the outside of a relationship you never hear about the little things.  Those tiny details that sometimes matter the most.  Like when I tease him because he does exactly what his kids want.  Or him telling be not to text and drive because I replied ‘Driving’ to one of his messages.  Or him making a point of telling me to drive safely because the weather was bad.  Or the almost presumptuous way he said ‘we can do that’ when I expressed interest in something friends were doing.

It seems like a crazy place to be.  I find myself drawn to this guy and I can’t really say why.  I am willing to believe what he says and trust that he is worth it.




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