It has been a week since I attempted to end it with Import-export guy. It feels like an anti-climax because there have not been any big changes and so far no plans for a date. I really like this guy which is why I was open to the possibility of trying again.
It seems like he is willing to listen and try make changes when I get upset which is an important part of making a relationship work. Another positive is that he didn’t just say what he thought I wanted to hear. He tried to be honest about what he can and can’t manage. To be fair he has been open about his availability from the start. He said early on that he likes to spend as much time as possible with his kids because work and business travel limit how much time he does have to spend with them. Even with the break-up he was clear on his stance that he does not have much free time. Ironically a full and busy life makes him interesting and that is part of the appeal.
The most important change I noticed was with myself. I feel a lot calmer and more relaxed. I needed to let him know how disappointed that we did not manage a date in August. I was struggling to figure out what to say, when to say it and how to say it. In some ways taking the relationship to the point of a break-up was empowering. I mentally prepared myself by considering what next. I decided that rather than rush into another relationship I would take some time for me and consider what I really want and where I am willing to compromise. Otherwise I’ll probably go after another busy fella with limited time for a girlfriend. Now where do I find a guy who is leading an interesting life but has plenty of free time?
In the meantime my work contract has been renewed for another year. I don’t think there was much doubt that would happen but it is still good to see the paperwork being processed. For structural reasons it is the last year I can continue in this specific role which gives me a good incentive to start investigating other opportunities. It probably is about time I figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I finally took steps to sort out my finances. I have identified a good alternative for when my main source of exercise gets cancelled or I feel the need for an extra workout. Now I just have to figure out how to balance additional classes with looking after Mom. She is much more mobile and looking much better.
Perhaps the real reason I feel better is because I have decided to focus on what I need to be happy regardless of if there is a man in my life or not. There are a lot of things I can change. Perhaps in the not too distance future I will finally run out of patience with Import-export guy or maybe he will finally find time for a date or two. Who knows which path my life will take, either option should be interesting.