A symbolic gesture

In the case of Guy 0 my return to South Africa marked a clear end to any hope that we might be able to repair things.  So it was at this point that I deleted the message history and all the photos he sent me.  This gesture was a symbolic acknowledgement that things were over and it was time to move on.

I have heard nothing from Import-export guy for over 4 weeks and I think the time to delete the message history and pictures is approaching fast.  Saturday is the day I have in mind.  While he was offline I could allow for some sort of mess up but he has been back online for the last week.  I can’t understand why a month after he convinced me not to end things, he has gone completely silent.  Maybe with a bit of time he decided that something I said was too much drama or pressure.  Maybe he is offended I left no messages while he was offline.  Maybe he has just lost track of how much time has passed.  Perhaps he has realised he just does not have time for a girlfriend.

I am tempted to message him, before deleting the chat history, but what would I say.  I could go with something simple like:

“Wtf is going on?”

Or maybe I should actually go for the message I considered leaving while he was away:

“You selfish, fucking bastard.  Why couldn’t you be honest and accept you don’t have the time to make this work.  Why couldn’t you just let me say goodbye and let me move on with my life?  It would have hurt but it would have been a lot kinder.”

Except I’m that I’m not feeling so angry right now and this message no longer feels right.  Perhaps a reminder of the good times:

“You selfish bastard.  Why couldn’t you be honest and accept you don’t have the time to make this work.  It’s a pity because Durban was such fun.”

What about a humorous twist:

“You selfish bastard.  Why couldn’t you be honest and accept you don’t have the time to make this work.  I could have had an extra month on Tinder”

Of course if all I really want is his attention, then a food emoticon is enough.  The real question is what would be the point? If he was really interested I would have heard from him by now.  It is the uncertainty and the not knowing that I hate the most.  Especially when you consider that the most recent messages were cheerful, fun and flirty.  Nothing to suggest he was losing interest. Would engaging him in a conversation get me the answers I need?  Would it end up being a painful unpleasant acknowledgement of what I already know?  Would we end up back in a situation where he is stringing me along?  Would he even bother to respond?

Perhaps I should delete his contact details?  Will he know if I have?  I like the simplicity of a message saying I have left our conversation to officially finish things.  I also like the idea of leaving an angry message then leaving the chat.  I realised today that I’m not yet ready to recognise things are over by deleting my messages.  I’m still considering if it is better for me to provoke that painful and unpleasant conversation.  I had a very unpleasant task today and two dates over the weekend that I’m looking forward to.  I think I will focus on the dates and see what next week brings.


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