The importance of communication

As an opening statement one of the guys have been chatting to, told me he was looking for: honesty, understanding, loyalty, love and trust to be there for the good times and the bad.  I thought this sounded like a good aspiration and very promising.

After a brief chat we swapped some photos and he said he wanted me to be his woman.  After which he started calling me ‘Sweetheart’, ‘baby’ and ‘my love’.  At which point I’m starting to think this is a bit too much too soon.  He is currently in the UK on business.  The following day he asked me to come and cook for him.  The fact that I had already cooked and eaten did not deter him so I made a joke about the travel distance.  At the same time hoping that his requirement for someone to who makes sure that he’s eaten and gets home safe does not mean a docile wife to cook and clean.

Then on Monday morning he tells me he is planning to go shopping.  He thinks it will be nice if he shops for me.  So he wants my shoe size, size and type of clothes I like and the size of my finger.  Ok now I’m seriously freaked out.  I’ve known the guy two days.  So I told him that was very kind but it was too much too soon.  To which he wrote:

“Are you going to send me wat I asked for or not. Can you please answer me I hate ignorance”

 He ignored my question about ignorance and simply asked again if I would send the information.  So I went with a more blunt:

“No. I hardly know you.  I can’t accept such a generous gift”

I haven’t heard from him again.  He did not even read the last message.  It still has two grey ticks.  So I guess he really did just want a docile wife to cook and clean.  If he really cared about my feelings and my happiness he would have made the effort to find out what I really wanted and how I was feeling about his offer.

This is a contrast to Accountant guy.  We have now had three dates.  I have enjoyed all of them but I still don’t feel like there is a strong connection.  Interestingly it seems he has similar feelings.  He messaged to ask where I thought things were going and if it was still the case that we could see other people.  I ended up explaining to him that I was still trying to get over a previous guy.  Also the fact that two guys had let me down badly probably meant that I was holding back.  I explained that the last guy had ghosted me and I finally got round to deleting his number last week.

It is an interesting because he created a situation where we could discuss the more important stuff in an open and honest way.  Which is of course exactly what is needed to develop a healthy and lasting relationship.  We have agreed to take things slow and it is understood that either of us might meet someone else.  I feel much more relaxed about the relationship and seeing him again because we have a better idea of where the other stands.  I was just starting to worry about the situation and if I needed to say something before things got messy.  Now I can relax and have fun with him.  I really don’t want to commit to one person at the moment.  He has not yet proposed another date but I’m hoping he will soon.

An interesting contrast with how guys can go about building a relationship.  DON’T freak me out by trying to go to fast and buy me with fancy gifts. DO take the time to say how you are feeling.

2 thoughts on “The importance of communication

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