A dating update

It is rather sad to think that my last date was at the beginning of December.  I haven’t heard from Accountant guy since he suggested that we should meet again.  I thought he would contact me a few days later to move things forward.  Perhaps he is waiting for me to make a suggestion about what we could do.  I’m not really sure.  I thought about contacting him a few days ago but I don’t really know what to say.  The longer the silence lasts, the more I think that this thing isn’t meant to be.  That means messaging to say I don’t want to meet.  Isn’t that implicit in the silence?

The first challenge is finding someone I consider interesting enough to message.  Recognising that interracial dating has challenges severely limits my options.  A census in 2011 put black Africans at 76%, while whites make up a mere 9% of the population in South Africa.  Interestingly the guy from my post on interacial dating still wants to meet for coffee.  More specifically he messaged to say he would be in town for about a week.  That week is almost over and I still haven’t heard from him.  I can’t say I am particularly upset because he is very good at annoying me, first by trying to tell me what to think, then expecting me to drop everything to talk to him.

An interesting follow up to the issue of interracial dating and culture.  A black Frenchman I was talking to a few days ago has also found that black South Africans take themselves way too seriously.

There is also a challenge around keeping the conversation going.  Over the Christmas period I had a few interesting conversations and was hoping things would go further. We have one or two nice conversations and then they go quiet.  This seems to be particularly true of the guys on Tinder.  I think perhaps I should revisit these conversations and see if there is anyone I would like to stay in touch with.  Maybe I will drop them a message and see if they respond.  Having said that I can’t help thinking that if they were really interested then the conversation would have continued.

It seems like it is always the same faces on Tinder and Badoo.  Maybe with Valentine’s Day approaching some new people will join these sites.  I have also been trying out a few new dating sites.  Perhaps that will yield some new prospects.

 

Scaring the scammer

The over the top claims of love typical of scammers gave me the idea for a new game to play with them.  I mean seriously, I was chatting to this guy, who claimed to be Canadian and on holiday in Cape Town for two weeks.  I responded by telling him in that case we could only be friends (After Guy 0 and Import-export guy I don’t want another text pal.).  His response:

“I like this country my dear I can relocate because of you if really want and like me seriously”

Scammer Alert.  I pointed out that it was too soon for such a decision but it seems he wanted to know where things were going and the response included this:

“Me am looking for serious relationship and if I don’t know your own mind either you like me to be your man or you can’t say anything right now maybe I still need to move forward to be searching”

An attempt to hook me by making me worry about losing him?  He then went on to tell me a bit about himself part of which was:

“am the only child of my parents, my father from United state, taxes Jackson my mother from Canada Ontario Belleville I was born in Canada school and growed up a lot of my life in Canada”

Where do I start with the number of reasons this does not make sense? Playtime for me:

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At the point I’m wondering if my plan was working.  Maybe he did not understand what I was trying to do.  Nonetheless I thought I would give it another try:

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At this point he tried to call me and this was followed by: “Really”

I wonder if I will hear from him again.

 

If you do have concerns about a scammer then there are places you can go for help such as this website: ScamSurvivors.Com

 

 

WhatsApp for dic pics?

On Sunday I spotted a cute guy on Tinder so I swiped right.  The headline text suggested starting a conversation so I left a message asking what he would like to talk about.  A few hours later the response was: “Sex”.  I responded with a comment about me trying not to stereotype guys.

We managed a bit of normal conversation and then I got these messages: “Im hard now x” and “Very big”.  I sent a lol and commented that he must be having fun.  He asked me to join him.  So I said that I don’t do one night stands or meaningless sex.  I’m certainly not driving halfway across town because some random guy tells me he is hard, Lol.  He then tried to convince me to move to WhatsApp so that he could send me a pic.  Erm, no.

He asked a few personal questions so I tried to freak him out by asking how he felt about handcuffs.  He responded by telling he about a threesome that he had enjoyed and wanted to know if I would like one.

Given the explicit nature of the conversation I was surprised to hear from this guy the following evening.  He asked how I was doing and I thought briefly that he might want to apologise and start again.  However I was not surprised to receive the following: “Horney lol” and then “Where would you like me to cum???”.  So I told him that was not what I was on Tinder for.

He then told me about something that had happened to him over the weekend.  Sounded like a rather stressful and difficult situation that might have had him acting a bit out of character.  But after telling me this he offered to send me a ‘sexy pic’.  He seems to think his dick is very pretty and that it is normal to look a bit.  Well there is a time and a place for that but not in the case of a random stranger who is only really interested in how horney he is feeling.

I repeated the point that I was looking for something more meaningful.  Looking back on the conversation I realised that he has not actually asked for my WhatsApp details again.  But this is implicit in his attempts to convince me he has a very nice dick.  He can’t send such pictures using Tinder.  Seriously, I’m going to give you my contact details when you have made it clear that your primary objective is to send me dic pics and no doubt request pictures in return.

Some thoughts on interracial dating

I have been thinking of writing a blog about interracial dating for a long time but I have been putting it off because I did not want to come across in the wrong way.  I don’t think that I am racist but how I view dating non-whites is challenging that perception.

Following a recent conversation I felt it was finally time for a post on interracial dating.  One of the black guys I was chatting to asked if I thought someone’s race was a determining factor in who I would date.  My response was:

“I’d like to say no but I’m really not sure”, “But so far what I have found is that non whites take themselves and dating too seriously or there is some big cultural difference”

I have seen a few profiles where people have actually written that that they only date from their racial group and this seems a bit narrow minded to me.  Nonetheless I find most of the profile pics of non-whites unattractive (and lots of white guys).  I struggle to picture me spending a lot of time with these guys or taking them home to meet the family.  Of course skin colour and appearance are fairly superficial measures.  There are also numerous cultural and religious differences.  Many of the black/African guys in South Africa, come from rural, tribal communities.  A good example of this is President Jacob Zuma who currently has 4 wives and over 20 children which is in keeping with Zulu traditions.

There was one guy on Tinder.  He had no pictures but his profile sounded nice so I decided to give him a chance.  When I commented on the lack of a profile picture he said that he was black and preferred not to have a picture due to misconceptions and people swiping left.  He sounded sensible so I figured this was a good chance to challenge my attitudes regarding colour.  He was quiet for a few days but found time to ask me how Christmas went.  His response to me saying I’m tired was ‘I suppose it comes with all the work and washing dishes’. Erm he thinks my job over Christmas was doing dishes?

One of the more memorable examples of this vast difference in expectations was from someone in another African country (I can’t remember which one).  I pointed out there were significant differences in our profiles which included age and religious beliefs.  His response:  ‘the only thing that matters is the right one, obedient and respectful’.  Erm have I mentioned before that I don’t do obedient wife?

Which brings me back to the guy who asked me about interracial dating.  He tried to disagree with me and I had to point out that I was talking about my experiences.  This was followed by a long rant about culture and religion and how this influences views on dating and marriage.  The sort of drivers that mean many guys are focused on finding a nice wife, settling down and having kids.  This does of course include Mormons who are white.  Surprisingly, I have not encountered any Mormons on the dating apps, Lol.

He was trying to prove that race is not necessarily indicative of cultural norms.  That my observation was not necessarily a white – non white thing.  So I pointed out that I did not consider this a genetic trait, there were numerous cultural and religious factors to consider.  Further that I was generally attracted to slightly crazy white guys.  The sort of crazy that comes with being confident and successful, thus not taking yourself or dating too seriously.  This was followed by a disagreement about how to go about dating.  Clear evidence, I think, of a guy taking himself and dating way too seriously.

One last little gem from this character.  A few days later he messaged and we had a brief conversation.  Mostly my responses were a similar length to his but at some point ‘yes’ seemed sufficient.  His response: ‘Exquisite.  You’re chatty.’  I don’t suppose I will hear from him again.

So I will try to keep an open mind when it comes to dating because you never know when the right person will come along.  I am sure that when I meet the right guy and things are progressing well I will be happy to introduce him to friends and family regardless of race, religion, culture or other factors.

WTF am I doing?

I had decided that if Accountant guy asked me out again, I should say no.  He only just managed to wish me Merry Christmas.  Given the lack of chemistry and cancelled dates I figured this was a fairly logical sign that things were about to fade away.

The Friday before Christmas I saw a post on Facebook about how he was off to his parents.  This was followed by a series of comments from his friends about his plans.  For a brief time I felt rather sad and left out.  It made me realise how little I know about this guy.  How little we have really shared.  That I’m not getting what I want from this relationship.

Aside from Christmas the holidays passed without any more messages.  He has never been one for excessive messaging but I would have liked a few.  An indication that he was thinking of me occasionally.  Admittedly I did not spend a lot of time thinking about him.  The main thoughts being more about where this thing is going and what I really want from a relationship.  I had thought that perhaps we could enjoy a gentle romance and some fun until one of meets someone else but I’m not sure that I can do this.  His silence over the holiday period shows that he is not that interested.  I want more.

So why is it that I was very happy when he messaged this afternoon?  Instead of telling him that his silence over the holidays was not good enough and it was over, I agreed we should get together again.  I think perhaps I like him more than he likes me and continuing to see him is going to end badly for me.  What I should do is tell him that I changed my mind, this isn’t going to work and I don’t want to see him again.

 

Time to get off POF

Plenty of Fish (POF) does not seem to be a very good dating app to use in South Africa.  I can’t really comment on the functionality because I did not use it much.  The app loads a lot more slowly than Tinder or Badoo.  So slow in fact that I cannot get it to run on data and could only check messages when connected to a good wireless network.  This might explain why there are so few South Africans using POF.  I did have a really nice meal with an interesting Canadian lawyer who was travelling through South Africa.

The lack of South Africans makes it seem like POF is populated mostly by fraudsters.  A vast majority of people who contact me have profiles saying they live somewhere in America but very few have good English.  I can’t help being suspicious when the profile is of a white guy living in Texas, puts his profession as Engineer but only has some university and bad English.  This one told me that he planned to visit Africa (Kenya) and suggested that he could come to Cape Town as part of that trip.  Africa is a big continent.

One guy even tried to earn my trust by telling me how he has nearly been scammed and needs to be careful.  He tried to use this to convince me, for the sake of his privacy, that we should move off POF (such a gentleman).  This was followed by some rather strange and elaborate messages to try and get my attention.  One of the most recent and rather amusing for all the wrong reasons being:

‘Had an x-ray done today and they found you in my heart. uhh The doctor said if they took you out, I would die, because I could not live without such an amazing cute friend’.

One of my favorite examples of a scammer, described himself as ‘humanitarian who now yarns for a companion’.  I don’t somehow think this is the sort of English you would expect from an American surgeon working for doctors without borders.  Or even better “Loves to kick back and enjoy time”.  So for the fun of it I decided to ask him about his English pointing out that it was not what I would expect from a surgeon.  He got very defensive starting with ‘Well, I wasn’t aware that my level literacy is needed when trying to woo a woman.’  Then trying to argue his specialty was the name of diseases (even as a surgeon?) and in a similar way to science, literacy is not essential.  I kindly pointed out that a certainly level is generally necessary in order to do the work.  His counter argument, in rather clunky awkward English, was that it was necessary for him to use simple English in Africa as a means to save lives.  Trying to use the humanitarian angle?  Well folks there is a very clear difference between bad English and simple English.

In the end I decided that POF is no good to me and once I have all the material I need for my blog then I will uninstall that app.

While these are examples of easy to spot scammers some are more sneaky.  If you do have concerns then there are places you can go for help such as this website: ScamSurvivors.Com

 

Reflecting on the origins of my blog

It was a really good New Year.  I went to a street party.  We danced in the street and someone’s driveway.  It rained briefly, which made people happy, because we have a water shortage in Cape Town.  The guys continued to braai (BBQ if you are not South African) and everyone was soon back outside.

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In contrast I spent most of last year’s New Year’s eve talking to Guy 0.  I don’t always make plans for New Year.  I hate the pressure of feeling like you have to party.  Actually the Christmas and New Year period last year was fantastic for getting to know Guy 0 because we had time to chat.

The relationship with him was different to the more recent online dating relationships because we met through online gaming and had already known each other for nearly a year.  He first caught my attention a few months earlier.  There was a problem with the game and while most of the guys simply moaned about the issue, he quietly complained assertively and got his money back.  I liked the no nonsense way he dealt with the issue.

I really enjoyed the new relationship buzz.  I made an effort to get photos of Cape Town for him and he sent me some interesting photos of him in the snow.  Whereas these days I am constantly alert for scammers and wierdos.  Not to mention the times when things start well but after one or more conversations the guys simply disappear.

Of course that relationship is over now.  I doubt I will have another experience quite like that.  It was really special to have his support when my sister was driving me particularly crazy with building work.  For a long time afterwards I had to stop myself taking pictures of Cape Town intended for him.  These days I enjoy taking pictures for this blog instead.

I nicknamed him Guy 0 because the end of that relationship led to the start of this blog.  In some respects, at the start, the online dating was an act of petty vengeance because I knew would disprove.  Also the online dating and blog provided the means to fill a gap.  As time has passed I really enjoy blogging about my online dating experiences and I am enjoying getting to know new people.  By taking a proactive approach to meeting new people I feel like I am taking more control of where my life is going.  I hope that one of these days I will find someone that is actually right for me.