WTF am I doing?

I had decided that if Accountant guy asked me out again, I should say no.  He only just managed to wish me Merry Christmas.  Given the lack of chemistry and cancelled dates I figured this was a fairly logical sign that things were about to fade away.

The Friday before Christmas I saw a post on Facebook about how he was off to his parents.  This was followed by a series of comments from his friends about his plans.  For a brief time I felt rather sad and left out.  It made me realise how little I know about this guy.  How little we have really shared.  That I’m not getting what I want from this relationship.

Aside from Christmas the holidays passed without any more messages.  He has never been one for excessive messaging but I would have liked a few.  An indication that he was thinking of me occasionally.  Admittedly I did not spend a lot of time thinking about him.  The main thoughts being more about where this thing is going and what I really want from a relationship.  I had thought that perhaps we could enjoy a gentle romance and some fun until one of meets someone else but I’m not sure that I can do this.  His silence over the holiday period shows that he is not that interested.  I want more.

So why is it that I was very happy when he messaged this afternoon?  Instead of telling him that his silence over the holidays was not good enough and it was over, I agreed we should get together again.  I think perhaps I like him more than he likes me and continuing to see him is going to end badly for me.  What I should do is tell him that I changed my mind, this isn’t going to work and I don’t want to see him again.


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