Some thoughts on interracial dating

I have been thinking of writing a blog about interracial dating for a long time but I have been putting it off because I did not want to come across in the wrong way.  I don’t think that I am racist but how I view dating non-whites is challenging that perception.

Following a recent conversation I felt it was finally time for a post on interracial dating.  One of the black guys I was chatting to asked if I thought someone’s race was a determining factor in who I would date.  My response was:

“I’d like to say no but I’m really not sure”, “But so far what I have found is that non whites take themselves and dating too seriously or there is some big cultural difference”

I have seen a few profiles where people have actually written that that they only date from their racial group and this seems a bit narrow minded to me.  Nonetheless I find most of the profile pics of non-whites unattractive (and lots of white guys).  I struggle to picture me spending a lot of time with these guys or taking them home to meet the family.  Of course skin colour and appearance are fairly superficial measures.  There are also numerous cultural and religious differences.  Many of the black/African guys in South Africa, come from rural, tribal communities.  A good example of this is President Jacob Zuma who currently has 4 wives and over 20 children which is in keeping with Zulu traditions.

There was one guy on Tinder.  He had no pictures but his profile sounded nice so I decided to give him a chance.  When I commented on the lack of a profile picture he said that he was black and preferred not to have a picture due to misconceptions and people swiping left.  He sounded sensible so I figured this was a good chance to challenge my attitudes regarding colour.  He was quiet for a few days but found time to ask me how Christmas went.  His response to me saying I’m tired was ‘I suppose it comes with all the work and washing dishes’. Erm he thinks my job over Christmas was doing dishes?

One of the more memorable examples of this vast difference in expectations was from someone in another African country (I can’t remember which one).  I pointed out there were significant differences in our profiles which included age and religious beliefs.  His response:  ‘the only thing that matters is the right one, obedient and respectful’.  Erm have I mentioned before that I don’t do obedient wife?

Which brings me back to the guy who asked me about interracial dating.  He tried to disagree with me and I had to point out that I was talking about my experiences.  This was followed by a long rant about culture and religion and how this influences views on dating and marriage.  The sort of drivers that mean many guys are focused on finding a nice wife, settling down and having kids.  This does of course include Mormons who are white.  Surprisingly, I have not encountered any Mormons on the dating apps, Lol.

He was trying to prove that race is not necessarily indicative of cultural norms.  That my observation was not necessarily a white – non white thing.  So I pointed out that I did not consider this a genetic trait, there were numerous cultural and religious factors to consider.  Further that I was generally attracted to slightly crazy white guys.  The sort of crazy that comes with being confident and successful, thus not taking yourself or dating too seriously.  This was followed by a disagreement about how to go about dating.  Clear evidence, I think, of a guy taking himself and dating way too seriously.

One last little gem from this character.  A few days later he messaged and we had a brief conversation.  Mostly my responses were a similar length to his but at some point ‘yes’ seemed sufficient.  His response: ‘Exquisite.  You’re chatty.’  I don’t suppose I will hear from him again.

So I will try to keep an open mind when it comes to dating because you never know when the right person will come along.  I am sure that when I meet the right guy and things are progressing well I will be happy to introduce him to friends and family regardless of race, religion, culture or other factors.

4 thoughts on “Some thoughts on interracial dating

  1. Wouldn’t say this is racist in the slightest. Fact is experience sets up ideas and expectations for the people we may or may not meet. As well as going by what we see and hear this places ideas in our minds about how things will go. Thing is, upbringing, culture, lifestyles, and interests would always have a greater affect on people, more so than their race or skin colour. That being said I’m not surprised at the guy who chose to hide his picture. Somethings don’t and will never change in terms of perception.

    Liked by 1 person

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