When to agree to coffee?

This post started out as a story about how I had to cancel a date because I forgot and made other plans.  I was going to write about the reasons why.  I matched with the guy on Tinder in the middle of January and we had a brief chat.  He seemed reasonably sensible and interesting.  He told me he was property investor and traveled a lot.

He told me his friend had suggested Tinder but he could understand my reluctance to share my number.  We chatted briefly an he asked to keep him posted about my availability for coffee near me.  I was not quite ready to arrange a coffee date and suggested that he keep in touch.

A month later he messaged to ask if I was still alive.  Then picked up the plans for a coffee date.  I’m not quite sure why I proposed the following Wednesday rather than insisting we chat a bit more.  I think I had read some dating advice suggesting that only a few messages should be traded before meeting for coffee.  Maybe it was the fact that I want a proper boyfriend and not another text buddy.

Anyway I decided to give him a chance.  But making plans with this guy proved to be hard work.  Specifically getting him to provide relevant details.  He asked to meet near his work, gave me the name of a very long road and promised directions closer to the time.  I felt the need to make it clear I was not willing to meet at his office and he responded by saying there were lots of coffee shops.  Not very helpful.  At this point I was irritated with having to keep asking questions so I simply replied with ‘cool’.

On Monday evening, without thinking, I made other plans for Wednesday.  It was only a few hours later I realized what I had done but decided the other plans took priority.  On Tuesday morning sent him a message explaining and hoped he did not think I was too flaky.  In spite of the fact that I had not heard from him since Saturday.  By Tuesday lunchtime I still had not heard from him and started working on the first version of this post describing the sort of things that would have made me excited about the date.  In doing so I reread our messages and started to question if the guy’s intentions.

He finally messaged and asked when our ‘new appointment’ would be.  I thought that was rather strange wording and told him I was not happy meeting.  He gave me his full name to google which actually did not help matters.  All I could find were two rather strange Facebook profiles with virtually no activity on the timeline.  I’m sure a property investor would have more of an online presence.  At this point he provided the name of a restaurant but I’m not convinced it was the logical choice for a local businessman.  Yet  according to Tinder his distance from me fitted with where he said he was.  Which meant I was feeling somewhat conflicted could he be honest just bad at messaging or were his intentions far more sinister.

While I was driving I realised that at some point during the day I had forgotten the purpose of a coffee date and thus dropped my criteria.  It certainly isn’t: He probably won’t rape and murder me.  The point of a coffee date is that because things are going well, you want to meet the guy in person and there is the possibility of something longer term.  Let’s be honest if a guy can’t have good enough conversation to answer my questions and convince me his intentions are honorable there is no chance of building a relationship.

So no new appointment. Lol.


10 thoughts on “When to agree to coffee?

      • It was bizarre. He wasn’t being forthright… and not answering questions clearly. Example: I asked him where in San Francisco he lived, and he responded, “the bay area”. LOL

        I told him, “I know that, but where?” He told me the name of his street, not the neighborhood. It was the craziest thing.


      • True… but he did name an actual street in a residential neighborhood. I had to do a Google Maps search. LOL! But it would have made a lot more sense if he’d just said he lives in the Mission district, as anyone else would have.


      • Also suspicious was when he said “kindly send me your phone number”. Who says that?!

        And then when I protested, as I don’t usually exchange numbers before meeting, he got a little bent out of shape. I asked him what was wrong with keeping communications on Tinder and he said, “That just means I’ll have to endure all the hook up requests.” OMG, you have to be fucking kidding me! Hahahaha

        Liked by 1 person

      • I know. It is crazy some of the things these guys say.

        One of them got really upset with me when I asked why his English did not fit with the rest of what he told me.

        Liked by 1 person

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