It was one of those days where things kept going wrong and in the end I just had to laugh at myself and my ability stress myself out.
Last week one of the project funders requested a meeting in response to our request for an extension. Of course the boss then asked for a presentation detailing the work to date. I always find this kind of situation stressful which is not helped by the fact that I am feeling very insecure about how the project is going. The plan was to put the finishing touches to the presentation and send it first thing this morning. I drove all the way to work only to discover that I had left my laptop at home.
The reason for being distracted when I left the house starts over the weekend and the new guy. I will call him IT guy. I finally started my post about how we met on Sunday. By the evening I was starting to feel insecure about publishing because I had not heard from IT guy since the Friday evening. In all honesty that should not really have been an issue, based on what I know of his schedule and where the relationship is. Nonetheless memories of other ghostings started to haunt me, not to mention messaging issues marking the beginning of the end with Import-export guy.
So take stress about work, mix it with stress about IT guy and add the stress about not feeling in the mood to work on this blog and by the evening you end up with one nervous wreck. I tried to distract myself but I kept watching the clock waiting for a message. One thing I have decided, in a similar way to Guy 0 and Import-export guy, I am probably getting too committed to soon.
So I was very bemused to wake up this morning and find that I had a received a few messages last night including from IT guy at a fairly sensible hour. There could have been a technology blip but I think it is mostly likely that I was so wound up I forgot to actually check my phone occasionally. Still not sure how I managed to plug the phone into the charger without noticing I had messages.
So this morning my head was spinning with the idea that I let myself get so stressed him not messaging that I missed his message. That my evening would have been much nicer if we had traded a few messages. That last year’s ghostings may have affected me more than I realise.
So I decided to grab a decent cup of coffee and a sheet of paper I needed before heading home. I managed to leave my access card at the coffee shop and had to go back. I joked with my colleges about a 90 min round trip for a sheet of paper. They laughed at me when I had to come back for it and told me to be very careful driving home.
On the drive home my thoughts turned to the fact that I bumped into a college at the coffee shop and she sent me a WhatsApp about my access card before another round of panic set in. That helped me to focus on all the other positives in my life and reminded me that I am more than capable of dealing with this meeting with the funder.
We won’t mention that when I got home I tried to put the coffee cup into an overflowing bin and then had to clean up the spillage. Lol.