Relationship Exclusivity

There is loads of advice dedicated to the topic of exclusivity and relationships, how best to have “the talk” there is even an acronym for this DTR (define the relationship).  Plenty of advice to women about not treating a relationship as exclusive till it actually is.  This idea has challenged me before or there are the guys demanding I only talk to them way before they have done enough.

As I have gained confidence and experience in this online dating journey I have come to realise that I really should trust my judgment more and do what is right for me.  This generally reflects my approach to life and is one reason I have not followed a conventional path.

I have recently come to realise that it does not suit me to juggle multiple romances especially when there is one that shows potential.  I’m sure this is how many people know they have found someone special because the others fall away naturally.

This is where I find myself with IT guy.  I have completely lost interest in online dating or meeting anyone else, but things have not progressed enough to be considered exclusive.  He has made his interest very clear.  The challenge is that we live in different countries and it is going to take time for things to develop.  So, the real question is how to cope in that undefined space where mutual interest is clear but we need more time together to be really sure where things are going.

I think this is part of the reason I got myself in a tailspin a few weeks back.  Work was stressing me out.  But no it is not realistic to ditch everything and move to Dubai to be with IT guy, especially when he has been a bit quieter than normal.  Then that evening he messaged and after sharing some details of my day he was quick to ask what was bothering me and offer some advice.  Just what I needed.

Then work settled down and sanity returned.  With a clear head I was able to reassess.  I really like this guy and I want things to work but it’s not gonna happen if I go batshit crazy and get super needy.  Ironically it seems the best approach is to reduce dependence on this relationship working.  One reason I think a lot of advice is centred around advising women to date more than one guy.  But I am not a stereotypical woman.  I do not need a man in my life to be happy.  I prefer to wait for a good one.

I have done single and happy before and I can do it again.  For now online dating holds no interest for me but there is so much more to life.  I need to figure out my next work move.  I keep finding good stuff to do in Cape Town and more people to do it with.  As for blogging, well if I can’t blog about online dating well there are many other stories to share.  Stories I hope you will also enjoy.

5 thoughts on “Relationship Exclusivity

  1. Hey, Dubai isn’t so bad 😉 I’ve been out here three years and it’s pretty interesting. To be honest it was to start over after a divorce, but hey.

    In all seriousness, it’s really hard to be in this defined/undefined no man’s land. Sometimes I feel as if there is a contest to see who can be more disinterested.

    I got to the point where within matching I would say I’m looking for a monogamous potentially long term thing. It pushed a lot of people away, but in the end it attracted more of what I wanted.

    Cape Town is a lovely place. I’m sure there are tons of lovely people there as well. I think once you know what you want it’ll be easier to attract like minded people.


    • A few years ago I definitely did not get the appeal of Dubai but now that I know more it does actually look interesting.

      Actually in this case both of us have made our interest clear. This situation is a bit more unusual because we knew each other as kids but haven’t seen each other for years. So I think it fair to say that the attraction goes back decades to before we were even teenagers.

      The challenge really is about having patience to see how things develop


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