There are so many strange people around that you can’t take things too seriously. Certainly I think scammers are fair game for a bit of fun.
Yesterdays classic introduced himself and stated a desire to ‘make a sincere friendship’. I asked where he lived because his profile was not written in English. He responded by saying that he would be coming to South Africa and sent me the hotel booking. The hotel is in a town built to for the local oil refinery employees and is on the other side of the country from me. Roughly a 5 hr trip including 2 hr on a plane. I have pointed this out a few times but he has not responded. Also he plans to arrive on 23 December and thinks we can spend Christmas together. Lol.
In short it was one of those guys who sent a lot of over the top messages of love. Declaring that he wanted to marry me and have children. He tried a few times to request my phone number and tried to video call me through Badoo. He tried to earn my trust by sending me a picture of himself with a passport (or some random fella) but could not answer my question about why he was coming to South Africa.
Late this afternoon he sent me a message saying that he had accidentally said ‘erection’ instead of ‘election’ to his friends, as an attempt to let me know how keen he was on me. I decided to have some fun with him and sent a message saying how offended I was that he would say such a thing. He responded with a dodgy poem but no apology. So I decided to step it up and apologised for being so quiet and explained I was having trouble paying my rent and worried about ending up homeless.
A few messages later he actually asked how much money I needed. So I said 300 Euro. He went very quiet and I figured that was finally it. Then when I got home from work I found a message saying he would send me the money. He even wanted to know how to send me the money. Doh.
Naturally I have no intention of taking his money or scamming anybody so I have not spoken to him again.
When I say boy I don’t meant the big kid type of guy, the sort that likes his boy’s toys. I might be thinking of getting me some Lego if I can find a good architecture kit. I’m talking about the sort of guy that can hold an adult conversation and behave in an adult way when required.
I got home a few days ago to find that one of the guys had left me a crying emoji. Naturally I asked what was wrong. The response with more crying emoji’s was that I was not giving him enough attention. Erm, I tend to respond to people who have something interesting to say and will make an effort for those I find interesting and funny. I do not respond well to a guilt trip.
Remember back in school when you resorted to telling someone they were scared if they wouldn’t do something you asked? Fortunately most of us out grown this approach. Sadly I encountered someone who has not. After about three messages in he asked me for my WhatsApp details. It was already clear that he could not write properly so I said no. He responded by asking if I was scared my husband would find out. I figured ‘Lol. Yes.’ was a suitable response.
I ignored him for a while and when he didn’t take the hint I decided that it would be best to tell him I was not interested. Then he tried playing the race card by asking if the reason was down to the colour of his skin. Again no, he can’t write properly. In spite of all this he still chatted for a while then tried to arrange to meet up. Then he accused me of being shy when I said I wouldn’t meet him. Seemed to think I was full of stories when I told him my time was limited so I was fussy about who I met up with. It turns out he has a girlfriend but she does not know he is on Badoo so that is not a problem. Oh boy.
Surely it is not too much to ask for a guy who can behave like an adult. Someone who understands that if you want a woman to meet you then you must make an effort to make the meeting sound fun and interesting.
Interesting that someone who claims to be based in South Africa seems to know nothing about the story of Mugabe and Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe is one of our neighbours and if things there deteriorate we will get another influx of refugees so the story is relevant.
I have watched the situation get steadily worse for many years. I was at university with a few Zimbabweans one of whom was a good friend. When we first met at the start of our studies Zimbabwe was still doing well and looked like an African success story. It was a few years into our studies that the land invasions happened with war veterans invading farms and driving the white farmers and the farmworkers off. Which means it is a story which has always been a bit more personal, listening to my friends concerns when their currency rapidly lost value. Naturally I have been watching the events of the last week with great interest, hoping things will improve for the people of Zimbabwe.
So yesterday when this guy I had been chatting to asked about my evening it seemed perfectly reasonable to mention that I had been watching this new story. Especially as I’m not convinced he is in South Africa. Initially he told me he was from England but working ‘here in Estonia’. Then when I mentioned I was in South Africa he tells me he is currently in South Africa working on a contract. In writing this post I looked back over the conversation and realised that he asked me the same question twice, using exactly the same words. Apart from that we have traded a few pleasantries about the weather. So boring.
This was more or less the conversation starting with him:
“How was your night”
“It was good. Interesting seeing the Mugabe story unfold”
“Oh ok dear and what about it?”
“Haven’t you seen what’s happening in Zimbabwe?”
“Not yet my dear”
“Oh ok” “I’m surprised it must be a big story in Johannesburg”
“I’m here to mind my business and not to pork nose in other people’s affairs my dear”
I then mentioned that I like to keep an eye on news and current affairs and asked about his day. Surprise, surprise he only commented on his day. So much for the idea that building a relationship means taking an interest in things that matter to the other person (Hint: 10 mins on google would have been enough). Another fraudster? Not even a good one. Not that it really matters. Call me fussy but I’m kind hoping to find someone I can have a conversation with.
I am getting used to the fact that have a really friendly chat then disappear. Sometimes they reappear a few days or weeks later and act as if nothing has happened. I had a really nice chat with a teacher one evening and since then nothing. Then a few days ago after chatting for a few minutes I realised this guy had very different religious views. I pointed this out and he went quiet. Not even a polite I agree it is not going to work.
One of the stranger examples is the case of the fireman. I think it might have been a Friday or a Saturday we started talking. Then late Saturday afternoon he said he was heading to my part of town and did I want to meet for a drink. I said it had been a busy day and I was too tired. Actually I think it must have been early evening because I was in my pyjamas by this time and not in the mood to get dressed and try make conversation with an almost stranger. I think he messaged me a few times during the evening to request that I join him.
We chatted briefly on Sunday and I suggested that the best time to meet would be the following weekend as I already had plans for most of the week. Monday morning he tells me he will be my side of town and would I like to join him for a drink. I have sport in the evening. He seemed like a nice guy and I wanted to meet him for a drink. Plus it’s a fireman we are talking about. Hehe, in my first job one of the other women and a friend got me a fireman calendar for Christmas. Need I say more?
After I returned from my sport he messaged again to ask if I would join him for a drink. I explained that it was getting late and I still needed to eat and shower. I was a little tempted by the idea of a crazy dash out to meet someone for a drink and it did seem like I was constantly saying no but to be honest he wanted to meet at a local bar and I was not comfortable doing something like that, late evening when I was already tired. After saying no a few more times I eventually told him that he was starting to creep me out.
I thought that was the end of it but Tuesday morning he was back on the case. Did I want to meet that evening. As it turns out my plans for the evening were cancelled so I decided that I would meet him for that drink. I had a lovely evening.
Wednesday he messaged to say he was alone at work and would I like to join him. I pointed out that I was also working. Plus his work is about an hour’s drive from mine. I think he asked me about 3 times to join him. He asked me to join him after work and I told him I couldn’t because I already had a family thing planned.
I haven’t heard from him since. I guess he decided I was too much work. I’m not even sure if I have a bruised ego from the sudden change. I was starting to feel suffocated by his persistent requests to meet. I need a guy who understands that I have my own life and my own interests.
At the start he came across a really nice guy. He said he had been single for too long and was looking for someone to fill the empty space in his heart. That he was looking for someone kind, caring, faithful, honest and down to earth who is willing to spend the rest of her life with him. Sounded all nice and romantic. He even acknowledged that such a woman is difficult to find. With hindsight I guess it was a huge coincidence that he has also been let down twice this year.
He told me that he was a marine engineer and diver and that he was in South Africa negotiating a new contract and he hoped to move here soon. He told me he was staying in a hotel somewhere in the Western Cape and didn’t have time to see the local area because he was focused on the negotiation. I guess this is also a good way to avoid questions. He seemed nice but I was bemused that he seemed to be very busy with contract negotiations over the weekend.
His messages over the following days were somewhat erratic and unpredictable. He told me the negotiations went well but that he had returned to Turkey to complete his current contract.
Then today he messaged to say he was really sad and stressed. He had a big problem with his company and there was no one he could trust. He was really worried about losing everything. Well I was happy to talk the problem through with him. It seemed he needed to claim some valuable documents from a company but he was out at sea working and it was not possible for then to be sent to him. Ironically the more he spoke the less sense he made regarding the problem. Then interestingly enough it’s not just documents there are also some funds and it all needs to be collected really urgently because a government contract has been cancelled.
It seems I’m the only one he trusts to contact the company holding his valuable documents to arrange for them to be sent to me. Because of course we will see each other in December when he moves to South Africa and he is really looking forward to meeting me. He thinks I am a wonderful woman and he has a soft spot in his heart for me. At this point we have been chatting less than a week and have never met in person.
Well the email address was strange and google didn’t find the company name he gave. Similarly I decided to check for the company name on his profile. In both cases I could find a company with a similar name but nothing that matched the name he gave me.
So I told him I could not find the company name and they definitely did not have an office in South Africa. Why would he want me to collect documents from a country outside the one where I live? It seems they are based in America. So I asked him how much it was going to cost me to have the package delivered. Part of the response was:
“the reason I want you to receive it is because you know how I feel and care about you, I trusted you and I just want you to be free with me and do all that I requested you to now since we will be together soon once I’m done with work ok.”
Sounds too good to be true. More worrying is the idea that vulnerable women actually fall for this stuff.
I decided that I was bored playing with him and that I was not willing to email the address he had given me just to prove a point. Must make sure to report him on Tinder.
For some reason it seems this weekend I have come across a lot more bad profiles than usual. It started with a photo of a guy showing mostly his torso. I could not see his face and one hand was tucked rather suggestively into his trousers. I think it is safe to assume he was married and looking for an affair. At least he made an effort to sell himself. I was also came across a really ugly profile picture. This guy decided to go with a shirtless shot but he was very obese. Rather than even trying to look good he was hunched over, emphasising the extra weight, and looking down with a grumpy expression on his face. There was also no profile text. The overall impression was of very miserable guy who did not care about anything.
Typically if I can’t get a good look at a guy’s face I assume he is married or at least in a relationship. Typically these guys will use a picture of some nice scenery as their profile picture. In some cases there is an interesting cartoon type character. But so far one of the worst examples is a profile picture of what can best be described as an air conditioning vent. What did he do, just put his phone out the window and take a random photo. I thought this was rather strange but later in the day I came across another profile where the guy had simply taken a picture of a window. I don’t understand, who would show any interest in such a profile?
An interesting collection of pictures can be a useful way to learn more about someone’s character. Interestingly one guy seem to thing it would be OK to include pictures from one of the sex shops. Of course I’m not talking about a bit of naughty underwear. This looked more like the starter kit if you wanted to get in something a bit more kinky. This was followed by a picture of a man and a woman enjoying something a bit kinky. Erm, I’m thinking that is a bit soon to be discussing such preferences on a site such as Tinder.
One guy posted a picture of a g-string which say “It ain’t gonna lick itself” From his profile text he is just after a holiday fling. But he does promise an intimate knowledge of the human body with satisfaction guaranteed. At least he is honest.
But the winner is the profile that included a dick pic. I’m talking about a side view focused on the waist area with an erect penis and balls bursting out of his jeans.
Which reminds me. Dick pic count: 14
I wonder how much interest these guys are getting.
As an opening statement one of the guys have been chatting to, told me he was looking for: honesty, understanding, loyalty, love and trust to be there for the good times and the bad. I thought this sounded like a good aspiration and very promising.
After a brief chat we swapped some photos and he said he wanted me to be his woman. After which he started calling me ‘Sweetheart’, ‘baby’ and ‘my love’. At which point I’m starting to think this is a bit too much too soon. He is currently in the UK on business. The following day he asked me to come and cook for him. The fact that I had already cooked and eaten did not deter him so I made a joke about the travel distance. At the same time hoping that his requirement for someone to who makes sure that he’s eaten and gets home safe does not mean a docile wife to cook and clean.
Then on Monday morning he tells me he is planning to go shopping. He thinks it will be nice if he shops for me. So he wants my shoe size, size and type of clothes I like and the size of my finger. Ok now I’m seriously freaked out. I’ve known the guy two days. So I told him that was very kind but it was too much too soon. To which he wrote:
“Are you going to send me wat I asked for or not. Can you please answer me I hate ignorance”
He ignored my question about ignorance and simply asked again if I would send the information. So I went with a more blunt:
“No. I hardly know you. I can’t accept such a generous gift”
I haven’t heard from him again. He did not even read the last message. It still has two grey ticks. So I guess he really did just want a docile wife to cook and clean. If he really cared about my feelings and my happiness he would have made the effort to find out what I really wanted and how I was feeling about his offer.
This is a contrast to Accountant guy. We have now had three dates. I have enjoyed all of them but I still don’t feel like there is a strong connection. Interestingly it seems he has similar feelings. He messaged to ask where I thought things were going and if it was still the case that we could see other people. I ended up explaining to him that I was still trying to get over a previous guy. Also the fact that two guys had let me down badly probably meant that I was holding back. I explained that the last guy had ghosted me and I finally got round to deleting his number last week.
It is an interesting because he created a situation where we could discuss the more important stuff in an open and honest way. Which is of course exactly what is needed to develop a healthy and lasting relationship. We have agreed to take things slow and it is understood that either of us might meet someone else. I feel much more relaxed about the relationship and seeing him again because we have a better idea of where the other stands. I was just starting to worry about the situation and if I needed to say something before things got messy. Now I can relax and have fun with him. I really don’t want to commit to one person at the moment. He has not yet proposed another date but I’m hoping he will soon.
An interesting contrast with how guys can go about building a relationship. DON’T freak me out by trying to go to fast and buy me with fancy gifts. DO take the time to say how you are feeling.