Getting to coffee

Meeting for coffee makes a good first date.  It gives you a chance to start getting to know the other person without giving up too much time.  Getting to this point is a sign that things might go somewhere.  But how do decide who to meet for coffee?

With Tinder it starts with the decision to swipe left or right.  Seriously guys if the only thing on your profile is a picture of the sea how can I possibly get a sense of who you are, swipe left.  Similarly pictures representing your interests, such as a Manchester United football shirt, or text that has some meaning to you might give me a better idea of who you are, but I want to see a nice photo of you.  Oh and you lying in bed does not make a good photo.  Text like “Warning, sex with this person may cause explosive multiple organisms” might give me and my friends a good laugh but I’m still swiping left.  At least with information like wanting no strings attached fun, I can make a more informed decision.  That is still a swipe left.  I am amazed how many guys admit being married or in a complicated relationship.  Wtf are you doing on Tinder?  Never mind, swipe left.  Thus no chance of a conversation even starting.

Badoo allows people to contact anyone straight away.  Seriously guys, you need to say more than “hi” if you want to get my attention.  Saying “hi” multiple times is just going to irritate me.  I even had one guy asking me “Don’t you greet?”.  I was feeling grumpy so I told him he had to try harder than that.  I get bored if you start with are you single?  I deliberately made this clear in my profile.  This is usually followed by do you have kids and where are you from.  Some might even ask about my job.  This seems to be enough information for lots of guys to ask me to meet them for coffee.  So far all they have really learnt is that I am available for dating on a dating app.  I should add that in many cases these are guys with very little information in their profiles.

A warning sign that things are not going well is when I ask what you do in your spare time.  It generally means I am getting bored and trying to find something more interesting to discuss.  Yet so many will respond with things like “nothing”  or “I go to movies and things with my friends when they ask me to”.  Another classic is when I ask them to tell me more about themselves and the response is that I can ask them anything.  Another turn-off is when I mention going to for coffee and someone asks something like ‘when will it be my turn?’.

Call me old-fashioned but I think that as a guy, if you want to ask a lady out for coffee, with a view to dating then you should be aiming to impress.  You need to give me a reason to dress up and give up some of my time to spend with you.  If the conversation flows nicely, you are making me laugh and smile or at the very least I feel like you are making an effort to impress, then I will make more of an effort to meet you for coffee.


5 thoughts on “Getting to coffee

  1. Too true. That initial impression is so very important, I can’t believe people don’t take the time to come up with something more than “hi”. And asking if you’re single? Really?!

    We’re not all mindless idiots with no creativity, though, so if you do get someone sending you something a bit different, who may even have – shock, horror – actually read your profile, please respond to us! It helps us to keep trying to be interesting!!!


    • Well I put some funny stuff in my profile so there should be something there to help guys say something a bit different an interesting. Those are the messages I look forward to. I think generally the more effort a guy puts in then the more effort I put in.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post. So many true facts. All things that I also have problems with. If all they say is hi, I rarely respond and if they do it multiple times, they get blocked.

    Liked by 1 person

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